Do you ever have those times in life when you want something, but you don't know exactly what it is? I have felt like that alot lately. For over a year now, Steve and I have been in the painful process of learning how to take one day at a time- never able to look much beyond our own two feet. It's like walking in pitch black darkness and praying the entire time that you don't fall flat on your face! By nature, this does not come easily to me. (But then again, I doubt it comes easily to any of us.) I want to know the plan- Who, What, When, Where- and I definitely want to know how long it will take! When I can't answer these questions I start to panic.
I was with Jane Gray the other day, and I had to put her down so I could pour some milk in her sippy cup. I knew she was thirsty, but I grossly underestimated her level of patience. The second her feet hit the floor, she flung herself on the ground and began hysterical sobbing! Now at first I thought she was just faking it- you know, trying to get my attention. After all, she does have some of her mother's flare for the dramatic. But then I saw huge alligator tears rolling down her cheeks. All I wanted to do was to get her something to drink. Obviously, she took this to mean that I was totally unconcerned with her plight!
Thinking back on that, I realized that I'm so much more like her than I'd ever want to admit. She truly believed, in that moment, that I had abandoned her- that she had been forever forgotten by the very woman who gave her life! (I mean seriously? I love her more than even I can describe with words!) But how often do I find myself doing that very same thing- making the same assumptions about God. I assume that my situations are so insignificant that even God must be unaware- I have been forever forgotten and left to thirst for eternity so to speak. (Did I mention the flare for the dramatic?)
Steve and I had the song Great is Thy Faithfulness played at our wedding. Maybe God knew something that we were unaware of in that moment. We were going to need all the faith we could find in the first few years of our marriage. But faith isn't just something that we inherently possess. It's developed in a person through experience. One day Jane Gray will figure out that even though I have to put her down at times, I will never abandon her. Eventually, she will see the connection and realize that I'm actually getting her something she needs, and as soon as it's ready, I will give it to her. Maybe her mother will grow up too- maybe one day I'll realize that it is through the hardest times in life that God is preparing something for me that will be delivered upon it's completion.
