Anyway, I guess since I was already awake, God thought it would be a great time for me to write. (I don't mean to sound too weird, but God and I have that kind of relationship.) You know the "wake you up in the middle of the night to do your deep thinking" kind of thing. I'll be honest, sometimes it really gets under my skin. It's not really convenient for me you know- but then again, neither is a screaming baby.
In the last two weeks, I have gotten some great news. First, I received news that there is currently no detection of thyroid cancer left in my body. (Yay!) Second, a dear friend called the other day to tell us she had received $1,000 from an anonymous donor who wanted to contribute to our medical expenses. Steve and I were both shocked to say the least! Although our friends and family didn't know it, we had just received a bill for $936.00 that very week. When we received the news, it was sitting on our kitchen counter waiting to be paid! (It would have waited much longer too had our friend not been so generous!)
With all the good news, I have caught myself saying things like, "God is so good!" and, "We are just so blessed!". Now, don't get me wrong. I do believe that God is the author and creator of all good things, and I will continue to give him praise for the recent "blessings" that have happened to our family. But I would be delusional if I acted like everything was perfect now!
It seems recently I have heard an unusual amount of tragedy in the lives of people around me. Just in the last month I have spoken with someone who recently lost a baby at birth, I received an email from a friend about the death of a former classmate, and I got a call about a young woman diagnosed with cancer. And to be honest, I don't know exactly how to make sense out of that. What do you say to someone who has lost a child? What do you tell a mother who is afraid cancer will take her from the children she loves? Are there really words for that?
So often we say things about God's faithfulness and goodness when we are good. But is God any less God when things are bad? Does that mean he is less faithful? Are we then less blessed?
I was in the car yesterday and I heard a song on the radio. I'm not sure of the title, but the lyrics said this:
"What do I know of you who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along your ocean?
Are you fire? Are you fury?
Are you sacred? Are you beautiful?
So what do I know? What do I know of holy?"
Don't you want to ask God that sometimes? (I really hope you said yes. I would be terribly embarrassed if it was just me!) Don't you ever want to say, "What are you? Are you good or not?" In my mind it goes like this: SAFE + COMFORTABLE = GOOD. Unfortunately, that equation doesn't work out so well in the reality of God. If that were the case, where would you put the fire? What do you do with the fury? And let's not even talk about sacred- I don't think our finite minds have even begun to scratch the surface of that one!
You know tonight, God took an inconvenient situation (screaming baby/ tired mama) and made it into something precious. I would not have chosen a screaming baby at 3:45 in the morning. But I also wouldn't dare trade that beautiful moment of sweet silence. Was it comfortable? No. Would I have initally chosen it? Never. Did the God of all Creation turn it into something beautiful? Yes. So, maybe I am "blessed" after all.
