The other night, I was with one of the dancing ladies, and she was talking about the pressures of life: parenting issues, financial stress, relational disappointment. As I listened to her share her story, I began to try and put myself in her 4 inch stiletto heels. Here's a mom trying to do what she can to get by, working at the only job she knows, thinking about how her choices will impact the life of the child she loves so much. Granted, we come from two very different perspectives, but aren't we all pretty much the same? Aren't those the kinds of questions that keep me awake at night? It got me thinking.
Before our daughter was born, my husband and I decided that I would work part time once the baby arrived. I've always dreamed of staying home and raising lots of kids. Fortunately, a part time position became available and I was able to cut my hours back to 2 days a week. Unfortunately I was later diagnosed with cancer and our medical bills skyrocketed. At that point we had to make another decision: increase my hours at work or go into debt. So, we prayed about it, we found a great daycare, and I began working four days a week.
I would be lying if I said that I don't think about this decision daily. Will I look back on this time and regret not being there? Could we have survived on such a small income? Would it have been better to live with some debt? In the end, we did what we believed was best for our family. But would everyone support my decision? Certainly there are people out there- friends even- who may question my decision. Shoot, some would down-right disagree with me! And there's still the possibility that I just flat-out got it wrong. What if my limited mind was unable to imagine the endless possibilities that God would have provided had I made a different choice- taken a leap of faith?
Now before everybody gets their panties in wad, let me be clear. I am not trying to compare working moms of any kind with being immoral. (That's not my theology.) And, I'm not trying to rationalize behavior. (I believe in a God of holiness.) What I am trying to consider is that most of us are attempting to live the best life we can, and along the way we must make hard choices. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong, and sometimes we don't know at all. But, when we know better we are called to do better. Maybe it would help if we all could remember that in some way or another, we are all naked on the stage.
Courtney, I am right there with you! Ben and I have struggled with that a lot, and honestly I feel like God has shut so many doors in my face when it comes to trying to work part-time. I just have to keep telling myself that he knows our future and knows what is best for us. As hard as it is to be away from Nate, I know that I am providing for him the best way I know how. I know his needs will be met and that he will receive a great education one day because his parents worked hard to provide that. I am just so grateful for a job that provides for my family, a job that I truly enjoy and am blessed to have. I know that so many people these days can't say that and don't have the means to get by day to day. I just continue to pray that God will provide for us in His way, and if that means opening a door to work less in the future, then I will be ready.
ReplyDeleteLC- I love you girl! You're an awesome mama- I've never doubted you!!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this post, Courtney. I admire you and Steve for doing what you feel is best for your family, regardless of whether other people support your decision. Your words in this post are absolutely right - life is not always as "black and white" as we want it to be, but realizing that can really impact how we see and treat other people (or at least it should). I think that, unfortunately, we in the Church are terrible at this. We tend to make quick judgments against people instead of really getting to know them and trying to understand the stories behind their decisions.
ReplyDeleteOh, Courtney...thank you for this post. I literally put our little one in daycare on the day this was posted. Wish I would have seen it that day. I probably would not have been able to read it through the tears! No, I discovered it right on time. Thank you for your words. I have wrestled with it all, too, and probably always will in some way or another. But, I rest my soul in Jesus and the prayers my husband and I prayed that led us to this decision. Thanks again for your raw honesty in this post and previous ones. So glad I stumbled upon your blog via Facebook (and Jenn!)!!
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