Cry Baby

I don't really like emotions. Maybe I should rephrase that- I don't like my emotions. I'm a therapist and all day long I encourage people to explore how they feel about everything, but I totally shut down at the first sign of personal emotionality. And if I happen to reach the point of tears, there better not be anyone around! (I live by the words, "If you have to cry, go outside.") Lately, this has been a daunting task because life seems to be beyond my control (surprise, surprise). Just this week, I had to lock myself in the bathroom at work so I could get a 5 minute reprieve from life!

Right now my father-in-law is undergoing radiation treatment for cancer, I have three co-workers who have parents with cancer, and just last week my dear family member underwent surgery to remove a lump in her breast. On Wednesday my best friend called to tell me that her mother, a vibrant; healthy woman, was admitted to the ER for disorganized speech and unusual behavior. Eventually doctors determined that she had a brain bleed, and just today we learned that her overall prognosis is still unknown- her life may be forever altered.

It's not just personal friends who are being affected by tragedy. Have you turned on the T.V. lately? Egypt, Lybia, Japan- have you ever seen so much chaos? So much pain? This morning I had to turn the news off. I just couldn't listen to anymore. I was almost in tears (again) seeing all those people searching for signs of life- signs of hope. I literally felt physical pain just watching those images. In that moment, I wished I could ask God why. I just wanted to scream, "Come on! You've got to be kidding me! This isn't how it's supposed to be! Where are you? Save us!"

It's close to Easter and I can't help but see some irony in all of this. These days seem so dark, so heavy, so hopeless. I wonder if there were similar events going on in Jesus' day? Could they feel the tension and fear? Was the world literally crying out to be saved? And what about when Jesus was finally nailed to that cross? Can you imagine how that must have devastated the believers- they thought their one hope was gone. They were just searching for signs of life- signs of hope. They may have even been saying, "I thought you were gonna save us!"

I heard a song on the radio yesterday that brought me to tears. (Do you see a theme here?) The words are so beautiful and I've had them on repeat as my own personal coping skill to make it through these difficult days:

"Oh death where is your sting? Oh hell where is your victory? Oh church come stand in the light! Our God is not dead- He's alive! He's alive!"

These days are dark, and there are lots of reasons to be anxious and afraid. But maybe during this Easter season we can choose to stand confidently in the light of salvation and proclaim: We are not afraid. We are alive- and so is our God! (And if that won't make you cry, I don't know what will!)